So, basically, I'm a bit of a wallflower. I'm not a beta, nor am I socially awkward. I am very aware of what goes on around me; it's just that, as a result of the way I was raised and the circumstances surrounding my childhood, I've developed a quiet personality.
It's fascinating to me to see how other people respond to me. A lot of people - mostly other guys - take my quietness and lack of competitive spirit as a sign of weakness, which I suppose it is to an extent; I don't feel motivated to compete, I don't feel the need to shove my machismo into other people's faces. That's not to say that I can't do these things; indeed, I often give people a bit of a surprise when I choose to show that I have a bit of spunk. However, through most of my childhood and to an extent right up to now, I'm often seen by others as the weak one in the group. As I mentioned above, I don't show that I know this.
The results can be hilarious. For example, in my house, which I share with three other guys and four girls, we often play Mario Kart, and one guy in particular loves to take the piss out of my poor performance (I admit it, I'm shit at it). It's not overt, but it's there; so I ocasionally remind him to back off, because I can tell that really he's less confident than me and less aware than me. Even if all I do is clearly say in response to a muttered jibe, "what's that you're saying?" and turn to face him, it's enough. Like a dog faced with a deep voice and a menacing look, he backs down.
It's not always like this, of course. People don't often notice me, or when they do they don't particularly think of me as being worth their while, and this means I get overlooked at parties. If it didn't mean that things can get boring pretty quickly, I'd enjoy it - it's almost like being invisible.
The best thing about it is that I'm well-placed to hear gossip.
As I mentioned above, I can surprise people by simply being perceptive; it helps the most in romantic situations.But that's a story for another post.
